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A Boy Named Seo

"Baseball Almanac"

From the spit-soaked ledge creeps the handsome Mike Piazza.
From... his bat a mighty crack.
I care not about acne on his back.
Baseball soars in the pitch-black, evening hollow.
Field-er watches from the track.
Yes, yes, yes, Mike Piazza hit a jack!

Friday evenings, Shea... brings us together.
Bit-ter... New York weather.
Beer. And peppers and links on a bun,
Can't compensate for lack of runs.
But here comes big 31!

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....
Oh! The magic's really back!
Yes, yes, yes, for Preston Wilson? He's a hack.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....
Oh! Mikey P's the Daddy Mack!
Yes, yes, yes, Should've kicked that Clemens' ass.

I watch my baseball, on a Saturday.
Two games on Sundays, day/night.
I ride the seven, on the workdays.
Batch is never, out of sight.

Platinum blond or, that crazy backwoods mullet,
Horseshoe 'stache or a full beard!
He's a first degree fash-ion crime!
The girls, they want in his sheets...
And the guys want his meat.
Pretty sure he's not gay.
Said so on TV, ("I don't go...")
Heard him on TV, ("...for men, no.")

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....
Oh! A Playmate in the sack!
Yes, yes, yes, here he is, the Burly Batch!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....
Oh, a Hall of Famer's plaque...
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop, whoa!...
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop, whoa!...
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop, whoa!...
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop, whoa!...
Yes.

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I'm such a twat.

G-Fafif · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:19 pm Post subject:

SCENES FROM A MUNICIPAL STADIUM

Tagging out Kent
Tagging out Drew
There was one out
Then there were two

I jumped straight up
From my seat
To salute
Lo Duca's feat

How he had
Those runners beat

Mmm...mmm...mmm

Tagging out Drew
Tagging out Kent
Sensing somehow
That each was sent

I was at the game
That day
In the Upper Deck
Of Shea

***

The Mets were the beasts of the East that year
Had a great start, built a big lead
Made a few trades, didn't blow saves
Our bullpen was fine

Wrapped it up with weeks to go
Wrapped it up, you had to know
That we would be league champions
In a matter of time

Do you remember the ball
Bounced directly
To Shawn Green?

Took a true hop
Then a relay
To Valentin

He made a throw to the plate
That produced
A double scream:

"Yer OUT! Yer OUT!"

I'll bet John Maine
Exhaled deeply

***

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

The great Mike Piazza
Had played out his contract
Then he wasn't invited to stay

Creating a hole
That loomed mighty large
And might swallow Shea

It was up to Omar Minaya
To find someone
To add some fire

If not the pop
Or the presence
Or power or sway

Hey!

He'd have to replace
The great Mike Piazza
That way

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

The new man Lo Duca
Was sure playing super
And he really started to thrive

As he'd step up to hit
We would hear quite a bit
Of "Stayin' Alive"

Reporters did their quoting
N.L. fans did all their voting
Made him an All-Star starter
In middle July

Oh!

Paulie Lo Duca
Was truly
A popular guy

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Like Tony Manero
A Brooklyn-born hero
Whose Odyssey 'ventually ends

Paul in the tabloids
Was said to buy steroids
And have some underage "friends"

Blamed those who spoke Spanish
For tending to vanish
When they didn't show positive trends

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh

That's PLD!

***

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh

His hitting affected
He was often ejected
Protesting an umpire's call

His average would plummet
From the .318 summit
He had reached in the previous fall

Ownership told him
They planned not to hold him
"It was nice having you with us, Paul"

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh

Captain Red Ass
Might have gotten a pass
When he landed the front of SI

But he wore kinda thin
Under management's skin
So they bade him goodbye

He couldn't catch up
To the slider
Hence we got stuck
With Brian Schneider

A perfectly dull
And colorless
Backstopping type

Oh!

And that's all I heard
About our former catcher
Became a Marlin
After being a Nati'nal

Now a free agent
Who no team is willing
To sign

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Whoa-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

***

Tagging out Kent
Ooh, tagging Drew
You just knew
L.A. was through

It was quite a game
That day
In the Upper Deck
Of Shea

Lyrics <a href="http://www.BillyJoelFan.com/Albums/TheStranger/Track04.shtml">here</a>.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDvytBCh3xM">YouTube</a> here:

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John Cougar Lunchbucket · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:24 pm Post subject:

Making me like Billy Joel. Why I oughta....
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We got struggle time, we got outstanding time

themetfairy · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:53 pm Post subject:

Brilliant!

A worthy champion will be crowned based on these great submissions.
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In running, it doesn't matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, "I have finished." There is a lot of satisfaction in that - Fred Lebow

Edgy DC · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 12:57 pm Post subject:

FaFiF has landed the first five blows.
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Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas.

metsguyinmichigan · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:12 pm Post subject:

Kudos all around! I'm a sucker for Billy, but two worthy condenders.

sharpie · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:20 pm Post subject:

Good work to both. Me, I'm a sucker for early/mid-period Kinks.

LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:41 pm Post subject:

Love the Kinks. Love "Burly Batch"... but Greg?

Well, what can I say-- it's his month.

A Boy Named Seo · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:47 pm Post subject:

Outstanding parody, sir.
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I'm such a twat.

G-Fafif · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:17 pm Post subject:

Good going on your end as well.
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Faith and Fear in Flushing: A Blog, A Book, A Way of Life

Gwreck · Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:01 pm Post subject:

Why do Billy Joel songs always lend themselves so well to this sort of thing?

metsmarathon · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:57 pm Post subject:

cos we know em all by heart, and its easier to jam the words into a song you know, and sing along to it, and then vote for it.
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the first step is admitting you're a runner.

running is a mental sport, and we're all insane.

A Boy Named Seo · Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:05 pm Post subject:

I'd like to say maybe my song was a little too obscure, but the truth is Fafif just kicked my arse with an awesome parody.

Congrats. CF kicked my ass in the finals a few years back. I feel like A Boy Named Susan Lucci right now.
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I'm such a twat.

themetfairy · Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:28 pm Post subject:

Both of you guys kicked my ass in tournaments past and present (CF as well). I'm humbled before all of youse.

Congrats G-Fafif.
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In running, it doesn't matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, "I have finished." There is a lot of satisfaction in that - Fred Lebow

G-Fafif · Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:45 pm Post subject:

Here's to a man named A Boy Named Seo for putting up a great parody on a great player.

Here's to the combined efforts of TMF, Monk, Marathon and JCL, all of whom put a talented scare into me before Seo got his hands on the last 48 hours of my well-being.

Here's to everyone who thought enough of what I wrote to vote for me anywhere from one to five times.

Here's to Bobby Ojeda, Shawn Green, Bobby Jones, Teddy Martinez and Paul Lo Duca, fine Mets all, no matter how they were forced to stand in as objects of my mockery.

Here's to Lynn Anderson, Carly Simon, the First Class, the Beatles and, yes, Billy Joel, and here's to the five songs they loaned me for the occasion. They will always endure on my iPod.

Here's to fun little diversions that often obsess us, which I guess would describe baseball where all of us are concerned but totally applies to how I approached this parody competition.

Here's to 17-seeds everywhere who can say, for a day, that they're No. 1.
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Faith and Fear in Flushing: A Blog, A Book, A Way of Life

A Boy Named Seo · Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:47 pm Post subject:

I'd vote for your victory speech over my concession speech, too.
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I'm such a twat.

Zvon · Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry I lost track of this over the months.

As usual, I've enjoyed all of these you guys whip up.
All are classic.
That one's epic G-Fafif.

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